Exploring the Power of Opening the Heart Chakra

Last night I attended a wonderful 333 portal meditation group that was run by Johanna. I knew we were working on the Throat, Heart, and Sacral Chakra, clearing blockages and releasing stuck, unnecessary energy. I have been incredibly focused on my throat chakra because I have a hard time speaking my truth and communicating about my feelings. What I discovered during the meditation is my Heart Chakra has been locked away.

We started the meditation with breath work and light chanting. I found myself slipping into a deep meditative state. Johanna guided me to a huge fire in the middle of a forest. I was standing in front of it, the fire was warm and soothing, but it was fierce and crackled loudly. I could smell the fire, and it was comforting. I looked down to see whose hands I was holding; on my right was V, my oldest daughter, and on my left was S, my youngest daughter. We walked hand in hand around the fire to a door to a room. I opened the door gently and walked into a room where there were three items. A desk, a bag, and a chest of drawers, I had to pick one. I also had a key in one hand; it was a bright yellow gold key, in perfect, like-new condition, but it looked like an old Victorian key. The key was heavy but beautiful, it had a red velvet ribbon attached to it. I looked at the bag, which was the item I chose. It was made out of velvet and was incredibly soft. The bag had a gold lock on the knot that was wrapped around the top of the bag. I used the gold key I had in my other hand to unlock the black velvet bag; I quickly untethered the bag and reached inside. I gently grabbed at the item that was inside the bag, it was warm and soft. I lifted the item out of the bag and realized I was holding my own heart in my bare hands. Johanna told us that whatever item we had found inside was a clue to the chakra we needed to heal.

I know that I have a certain hardness about myself. I locked away my heart almost three years ago out of fear. I did not want to feel the pain and grief from my separation and divorce. The pain of selling my home, the home that I took first day of school photos on the front step every year, Christmas mornings of excitement and bringing home my second baby, all the good memories felt like they had died. So, I locked my heart away to protect myself at the time. The pain of packing up the kids' bedrooms and cleaning my family's home that my ex-husband had destroyed. It was better to not feel at the time. I couldn't feel the grief; I had a checklist to get through to detach myself. Once the house sold, I felt a sense of relief and I had forgiven my ex-husband, and I truly mean it. I do not harbor any ill will against him for my pain anymore. I let it go so I could move on with my life. I grieved the loss of my former life behind closed doors because I didn't want my children to see me like that. I sometimes still feel anger towards my ex-husband for the pain and wounds he has created for our daughters, but I see the growth my children have made since we parted ways, and it reassures me that I did the right thing.

I did the right thing not just for my children, but for myself. I couldn't go through life broken anymore. I learned to transmute whatever pain I felt into productivity and creativity. Thriving at work and modeling on the side brought me happiness and strength, but something was missing. I felt alone and isolated. Locking away my heart was a coping mechanism that I needed at the time, but not anymore. My Heart Chakra has slowly been opening and healing over the last year or so. I am coming up on 3 years of divorce, so how appropriate that on the 333 Portal, my guides gave me back my heart. It's time to open it completely. It's time to allow my love to flow freely again and to not be afraid of loss or pain.

I truly believe that my boyfriend, C, has helped open my heart again. When I met C in August of 2023, I was looking for companionship and something that could grow into something more, but I had lost hope in finding someone. I knew I was still healing and mending myself. C was an unexpected but wonderful surprise. Over the last year, we've had our moments, but we were learning about each other, but we talk through our issues. We communicate about what's going on. I had a hard time in the beginning because I'm not used to being heard or having someone want to be there for me. I was so used to dealing with my problems on my own. I would shut the world out until I felt balanced again. C has seen my anxiety and lets me climb into his lap and he just holds me there. The stress and anxiety melt away, I've never really had that. I've never had a partner that will just be there even in silence. I genuinely enjoy being in his company, he makes me laugh till my ribs hurt. The joy C brings into my life is healing in itself. I believe the universe brought him to me to help me heal, learn patience, and to open my heart again.

I still fear losing him. I keep a lot close to my chest. Rebuilding my life is a slow, grueling process. My financial abundance has been slow; I feel like that's the one piece of the puzzle holding me back. In today's society, financial security is so important, and I've been working on it. It's hard when you're supporting two children on your own. I'm embarrassed by how long it's taking me to get back on my feet. I don't want to lose C over finances, I've already lost so much. I see how C is with my children, and it makes me fall more in love with him. The love I feel for C is more than I had hoped for. I can see there is potential for more and I want it. I want more than ever before. I want to do life together. I want to go to bed being cuddled by him and I want to wake up to his handsome face every day. Sipping coffee together in the morning while the girls eat pancakes on a Sunday morning just sounds so perfect to me.

I can see a beautiful future with C if I can just get my money together. Maybe I'm just stuck in my masculine energy because I'm so used to having to make decisions and take charge to provide. Toughing it out on my own so to speak. I want him to be around all the time because he adds so much to my life, I just don't know how to make everything fall into place. I'm not forcing it; I've allowed the natural growth to happen for us. I'm ready to start living again. I'm going to continue to work on my heart chakra and allow my love to flow freely. I will express myself and my feelings with love and kindness. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life to finally start.