Is It Possible to Find Healthy Love After Divorce?

Dating... it's not the same as when I was 19, that's for sure. Meeting someone 'naturally' or 'in the wild' is rare nowadays. Everything is done on dating apps, which works but you can present yourself in any way you'd like. I have been told that most women and men don't look like their dating app profile pictures which, I find absurd at this point in life. Just be yourself. I decided to take an honest approach: here is my picture, and this is who I am. I'm blunt, blonde, love coffee, and a mom. I never hid any of those things while I was "on the market". Honesty is the best policy.

An example of my dating app pictures

I remember my first few dates from Bumble and Hinge. I met some nice guys, but they just weren't for me. I needed someone mature and who could understand my situation. I had no luck in really connecting with someone who was looking for the same thing as me, so I deleted all the apps and just focused on myself, hoping I would meet someone naturally. I can recall going out with my friends, sitting at the bar, and no one would ever approach me even for a conversation. It was depressing and thought maybe I was unapproachable. After taking a 5-month break from dating, my friends paid for me to get back on Bumble because they thought I was lonely, which I was in a sense. I was always with my kids or with family. I had no desire to be dating, I found that most men liked the way I looked and only wanted a casual date night. That's not what I was looking for. I was looking for someone with whom I could build a relationship and friendship with. Someone who would accept me and all my antics. I didn't think the apps or social media was the place I was going to find the right guy...

Well, I was wrong. I got back onto Bumble, and I had 1200 matches within a few hours of creating a profile. It was overwhelming.  I can remember scrolling through, saying I do not want to do this. The first date I went on was like a job interview. He was a nice guy but interviewing for a wife and future mother of his children. I can remember sitting there getting all the questions about my divorce and if I wanted to get married again and have more kids. How about you get to know me first? What about asking if I like the beach or what my favorite color is? It became overwhelming but I wasn't going to write him off. We had a nice date, but the next day, he invited me and my kids (whom he didn't even know the names of) to his family BBQ. I respectfully declined and told him I think he is moving way too quickly. He tried to play it off as a joke, but the RED FLAGS were glaring me in the face. I blocked him. He then found me on social media, WhatsApp, etc. I had to block him on everything. I took a chill pill on dating for a bit because that scares me. Someone coming on too strong, wanting to meet my children only after one date. That's a red flag.

A few weeks later I matched with a very handsome man, let's call him C. I had been looking at his profile for a while but was afraid to make the connection due to my past experiences. We made plans to meet for drinks at a nice spot in Westwood, it was the night before my 35th birthday. My brother was set to watch the girls for me. I put them to bed and was heading out when my youngest, S, woke up. She wouldn't let me leave. I quickly texted C and told him the situation. He was very accommodating but was already out with his friends and said he could wait. I was a whole hour late and I felt like the biggest ass on the planet. I showed up at the bar and had a beer before he got there to calm my nerves. I can remember when he walked in. I pretended to not notice he was there. He came right up to me and hugged me; I remember the smile. His smile and eyes got me. His dating app photos didn't do him justice. We had a nice time together. He was friendly, kind, and super flirty, which I love, but also very respectful. He walked me to my car, and he kissed me which I wasn't expecting. I melted. He made me feel like butter and he still does.

We've been together now for just over a year. I've never told him any of that stuff... about how he makes me melt like butter. C is patient with me, which I appreciate because I believe I found the right one for me. I love him in every way possible. I love his quirkiness and his mannerisms. The way he gets excited about delicious food. The way he makes me feel safe, heard, and valued. The more I get to know him, the more I love him. He knows when something is bothering me and wants to talk about the issue so we can resolve it. We have amazing chemistry and just have fun together. Also, seeing him with my kids... OH MY GOD. I don't think I can love him more than I already do.

C has helped me heal a lot of wounds he did not create. I sometimes think "This is too good to be true" and I have the feeling like I'm going to fuck this up. I know we have had our differences, but we don't argue or yell at each other, I know I tend to make him mad with my overthinking. He brings me back to reality by talking through the issue at hand which I'm so not used to. In the past, I have always been told to shut up or stop being a nag, swallow my feelings, and keep the peace, so his kindness catches me off guard.

There are times he says things that get me thinking about the future and what that can hold. Before I had met C, I figured I'd end up alone and I made peace with it. That I would be a strong independent woman who would just focus on my career and kids. But now that we're a whole year into this, I wonder what the future can hold for us. I want a life partner; someone I can grow a life with and have as many adventures as possible with. Someone I can grow old with. I hope that is C. I think it's C. I want it to be C. I want to take things slow but at the same time, I want all life still has to offer. We shall see.